Secret societies and innocence lost

On days like this, I can’t shake a horrible feeling. I’m tired and I haven’t really done anything but the pain in my body makes me feel like I have. The agony of
feeling defeated creeps in on me, I just want to crawl up in a hole and not look at anybody. Negativity comes to meet like a magnet and I am cursed from its attraction. I was born innocent in a guilty world and I am cursed with the gift of it’s sadness. The sadness is pain, then it turns to hate and anger and I have to deal with it or it causes me pain more pain. I lash out at somebody or cry my eyes out for days, write in my journal, maybe dance the pain away or play the piano
a song of what it feels like. Sometimes I just stay out home and not want to leave for days. Anything except confrontation. Nothing to antagonize, no arrogent
comments or tones of voice the better I’ll be. For one, I’ll be safe. The problem with that is, I take on every one elses pain. It’s a gift and a curse. It’s a secret.
and it’s an open door. I can keep it shut and try to keep out the pain or I can shut it and not accept it and deal with it another time. That’s the good thing about
doors. I like to keep my doors open but I hate to get them slammed in my face at the same time then I flip a switch to make a point no matter who I hurt, then I
apologize. That’s usually my routine. I accept who I am and I want everyone to accept me too, but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way when I see, hear, or feel so
much of it in the world. It makes me so miserable that even my family doesn’t accept me. But then again, I never really felt accepted in the first place because
I’m different like a puzzle piece of fabric around the world of colors, I should share my gift because no one else has it and I can help someone. Knowing that I
don’t like to share my secrets I struggle letting go of it because I know that someone else would benefit from it knowledge and make them better for having known it
and shared. Hopefully one person will identify with my struggle. You have to identify with the pain before you know the struggle and know where it’s coming from. It’s
part of accepting there’s a problem. I was a victim of sexual abuse at an early age, my innocence was taken a long time ago. I don’t like to admit that but it’s
a part of who I am but it doesn’t define me but I identify with those who have suffered. My dad was a Freemason and I struggled with the wondering of whether his
religion he was taught was good or bad but I knew what it felt like and it was wrong. Control is easy once you have it and fear is easy once you provoke it and
innocence is lost once its gone. The weakest are the easiest to take. They don’t have a choice. It was a sacrifice for someone else’s gain. There’s no nobility
or honor in taking innocence. The perversion only gets sicker the more your feed it. The line between right and wrong is getting shadier by the day. I forgave
my father for 17 years of it but it wasn’t my place to hand down judgement. I survived and I was blessed because some never do make it. Sex and Love are two
different things and some people don’t know the difference but know they’re so hungry for it they do bad things. Then they are controlled by their own desire. I
wish it weren’t true but it is. I just hope that before I die, I hope someone benefits from hearing my story and then I would have died for a noble cause. 11205035963_652bdba7d1_n

FEAR

Mustangsilverfox's blog

We are all human beings sending vibrations out into the universe through our thoughts and emotions. According to the law of attraction, our thoughts
are literally shaping our reality. If you hold a negative thought or emotion in your mind (like when you gossip), you are sending a negative vibration out
into the universe that will draw back to you like a magnet more of the same. A positive thought or emotion carries a higher vibration than a negative
one. The universe is limitless with infinite possibilities. You can have, do or be anything you want to be. Fear is a tool of the wicked designed to
rob you of your joy. They will tell you that there is not enough in the world to go around. They will also tell you that you are not good enough know
matter what you do. Let me tell you one thing that…

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